You Dont Know Me.

Perhaps life would be better if I didnt grow up. yet, no one could defy nature, hence growing up is a inevitable process reciprocate with the concept of time & space. yet, for me space does exist but time is not. and yet, the clock is still ticking.

Im working adult for now, still baffling whether i want to extend and develop my career or maybe leave it behind and do something else that is more fun. and working in the office with condescending supervisor is so fucking annoying. as if, everything that i've done is wrong. and you (with dr really) always seems to be the one that could never be bother to correct yourself. 

Thats the problem with adults, if you encouraged us to speak our mind, why bother to stop us? 

and yet, you blame Gen Xy for unable to keep at pace and time.

anyway, I hate the management team when they say we all agree to share "you".

what am I? a piece of cloth?

:)

My first ever spoken word piece

A few days ago a GLC company called me and offered me a job as secretary, so we had short 5 mnts conversation on what i studied for the past 3.5 years in Islamic university, towards the end of the conversation she told me, this job is caters for female , and you're male. So can u handle it?

I was holding my tongue & my fist because i want punch her in her face. Male are not just a walking penis with a pair of testicle & occasionally a sperm donor if u watched the foster

Male are human beings too

We let a system that so condescending to define who we are, what we are and where we should be

Just like the mak ciks in kenduri that will asked u, so you have a degree when are u getting married. And pak cik will ask u, what do u plan for ur future & none of these people would ask u, what do u happy doing

Its a same principle that happened in the world of sexism where a male was raped by four women in Uganda few years ago, and was never convicted

Because according to constitution rape means you put your dick in vagina

my best friend alana, drives whenever i and she wanna go, my brother in law is a chef at shang ri la, and my mom raised 4 kids (& im her fav) at the same time working & my dad occasionally had pms & meno-p syndrome.

Writing & thinking about gender is depressing

Just like how simone de bevouir writes about the 2nd sex, focoult writes about the the history of madness.

The intersection of feminism is not just about women, it hijacks the world of masculinity too.
Where the arab would tell grow some long ass beard to be islamist, if you cant grow beard the why dont u be a feminist, while the white feminist will tell you, you're too heteronormative to be a feminist, so stay wherever you are.
And the white male will tell you, you need to have 6 packs to be male,
while im 78kilos and growing and happy

Well my body is temple, i wouldnt let anyone touch, nor alter it, becauase i like it. So zip it!!

So the next time when you want to make another sexist remarks telling me that male are better to do this, and female are better doing this, like a male should play football & female should play doll,
why dont u ask yourself,
what gender is your soul?

Feb.

Its about time, few days more before March, so why not update my blog via pictures?

Ermm.. Thats all? 

attempt.

went to the holy university yesterday to collect recommendation letters from my fav teachers. well at least, they still remember. I wasnt sure to continue my studies and well, my plans dont really work as i've thought it would be. yaah... life after graduate is kinda suck!

it was 2 hours worth of advice and final lecture from my teacher, reminiscing some good moments when ive first entered. some of my words, well at least my teachers, well thought opinions that i articulate in the class. some even memorable when she still remember my essay on the intersection of geishas- misrepresentation of Orientalist Fascination. Alongside with it, few updates- and finally good luck & all the best wishes before i start  and embark my real life.

I wasnt really sure what ive learnt in the holy land for the past 3.5 years. I spent 1 year stay off campus, juggling with my assignment (and congested crazy traffic light commuting from subang to the holy land via public transport). nevertheless, these few teachers make my life easier, with advice and love.

my post grad studies will be dealing with Islamic worldviews and the nature of challenges between modern philosophies. i've always love philosophy and how it develops and how it corresponds with civilizations. i always been trying to discredit "Islam" in my argument, the word is just too sacred to be used by layman like me. maybe because the education that i've received was well-thought to be careful with the uncertainty.

well i hope i'd make the right choice.

may the Barakah be with me.

Pablo. 

the positive.

whenever someone told me about their future, I would probably stare enviously maybe nodding or maybe reacted nonchalantly because, I didnt even how to react. most probably, because im envy those people that have certain direction in their life. unlike me, still struggling to make sense of living. Anyway, ive been slacking too much with more excuses coming out from my mouth. Im scared, and im afraid i might going and drifted from what ive planned from since my first undergraduate year. I was hoping my life could be better when ive graduated and things dont moving that way.

I was hoping i could be brave enough to do what I want to do, yet there are series of consequences that im afraid, i might not be able to handle.

I wish life would come with manual, and im maneuvering it- on the right direction. 

I wish, I could. 

reminisce

I cant seems to run away from my past. its still linger how matter how many times I try to ignore nor runaway from it. i was reading my blog post since 2006. well at least, based on my past, I must i grew up a bit. maybe, I miss those times when i dont have anything to worry. Unlike now, i have little (soon to be many) worry, i have options, and more options, and Im not sure which options should i opt with. or rather, i wasnt really sure what should I do with my life.

you see, you dont have manual as an instruction what to do with your life. you live once, what dont make the best out of it? 

because, simply I dont know what I want to do. Im not sure whether this life would be the best life. or, this life would be worse life ever. I wish I could born and reborn. but, thats not the Tawhidic paradigm that ive learnt. I am in living in the real life?

did I choose this life?

I certainly didnt.

SURPRISE.

yes, life is full of surprises, except my graduation dinner that initially supposed to be surprised, yet somehow it didnt turn up to be surprised. (I accidently read the message from my friend's phone) lana should hire better actor, teheeee. Anyway, yes finally i have finally graduated from the Holy university, though i was really afraid of my tilawah exam. I couldnt answer any of the hukum tajwid, and i didnt even finish my tasmi'. Once, i TER-inter surah, nevertheless.. Alhamdulillah :), I've graduated with BANG! I'VE GOT DEAN'S LIST MEOW MEOW MEOW.

i wasnt expecting the dean's list, considering i wasnt really serious, but it was stress-free semester. 

AND, IVE GOT JOB AT THE MNC. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

 

and i on my way completing my post-grad application. Im hoping my lectures can write recommendation letter as soon as possible. :)

 

sekian,