Job

My brother in law finally quits his from his job, not knowing what future possibly holds for him. but I must say that was brave action. Despite his strong passion to be the greatest cook in KL, yet there are some unavoidable factors that eventually motivate him to do something better for living. The staggering hours working is not exactly the problem, but racism demented the whole concept of merit, and eventually suffice say, resigning is the only option left.

I never encountered such racism, maybe because I dont really bother to explore the concept of 'race' and 'ethnicity', I found it that two different concept is similar to men's creation to 'divide and conquer'. it simply constructed based on sentiment to be part of 'belonging and belongness' which neither I like. I found it disgrace to the humanity as a whole, as simple as building fraction between people.

after all, we cant choose to born what we are. then, why bother so much of the term 'race'

so, the final question that should be asked here,

what race is your soul? 

Single Asian Rants

I was watching The Expendable movie, with sheer depression. of course, I should sue the director for all the minutes I've spent in the cinema. and not to mention, TGV poor service when there was a discrepancy in the online ticket, and the worst.. the mini homoromantic between arnold something something and Jet Li. well obviously the pressure of LGBTQA (what the hell is A?) is spreading all over the countries, but I guess.. you dont really have 'deconstruct' everything in the name of human rights right? 

I'm not a homophobic, well.. I have some of my friends dare enough to come out from the closet, and been really comfortable with it, but again.. does the real masculinity in the 'western media' should be reconstructed based on the representation of 'white straight male'? and to top that, coupled with asian?

Its funny how everything has been more complicated, in the light of new humanity. we are living in the post modernism, well.. who would thought it could be so complicated?

Anyway, I've finally understand how to use my little mac, not all.. but ok lah for basic task.

Anyway Ma, why I'm no longer part of your readers list?

im so sad :(

post graduate school

Few more days before Im going back school, still Im so indecisive whether going back to school is something that i want, or maybe delayed success as others try to mend my indecisiveness. I've been reading and reread some of books, requested few reading materials from my former teacher, writing, and rewriting some of assignments, yet.. I'm not really confident going back to school.

Just few more weeks, alahai.

Anyway, I already bought new lap top & bag.. and Im hoping this is the right thing to do.

and on a side note..

I have to learn arabic again. errr..

Macbook Pro.

After  a while searching for Macbook Pro, finally I have one. Well, the pain of looking at the price feels really worthwhile when I first get my handsome boy, I wonder why Apple products are so masculine. hehhee..

Anyway, still struggling to familiar with this boy, and better yet.. these interface can be quite confusing.




i'll update later, gotta godek gedok this little boy now!

Anderoid and apple

And ive been using iphone for now, more than 2 years.

And remember when i told you (read my friend) why i wanna change to iphone? 

And I remember exactly what i said.

And at the same time, i remember exactly why we shouldnt be friend. Again.

And, i hope you rememeber it too.

And, i dont miss you anymore.

Update

My keyboards are no longer working, and im trying to update my blog using my ipad. Feels awkward though. 

Anyway, 2 more months before i continue postgraduate studies, not sure whether im  making the right decision. Im still looking for part time job(s) to sustain my life and at the same time applying for all sort of scholarship available on website. Nevertheless, its really frustrating when every single fields these people are offering are, either finance, business, engineering, etc etc.

Hallo, our civilizations were made of philosophical thoughts that flourish throughout centuries, why couldnt you be bothered to sponsor philosophy students?

Its ok, ikhlaskan hati.

Anyway, my dad confronted me few months about. I knew from the beginning, i need to fund my studies since they unable (most likely reluctant) to chip in money. Yet, i knew i wouldnt like working. I dont like office, does anyone even bother to 'deconstruct' office? Office is not a place to work, its a place for lousy animals to interact. How can i ever be part of these social animal, when i myself always prefer to desolate myself from these social animals? 

No doubt, almost every single loving souls have been telling not to continue studies. Well, give it shot for few years before be part of the industry. Yet, on the other side... I dun feel like im doing the right thaing to work. It baffles me every time, every single time when i have to work things that i dislike. Simple thing like calling people to money. To make more money. 

Can we live in the world, where paper money is evil? The antagonist in every single scene? In every corner of life?

I doubt, because im still searching of money. 

Fuck life.

keybord mkin jhnm.

ye, it getting ort. (keybord rok) dmnnn

what's left?

I've been trying to update my blogs, yet.. I've been so lazy even just to write a sentence. pardon me, my keyboard is not function properly. on the other side, ive been plagued with so many stories, yet i'm unable to express it in terms of words. So, maybe in this little piece, I will conjure some of the stories that have been happening for the past 6 months?

Early this year, I was so excited to graduate, even before graduated- i was offer a job. yet, I wasnt so sure whether to work and thus, i decline politely. I was jobless for the past 3 months. got few other offers, yet I wonder why, i didnt bother to work.

did some traveling, went to all over peninsular, from  Penang-Perhentian-Perlis-Singapore and other places. It was fun, till I decided, hey lets go to work. (and it was a huge mistake)

 

I was called for a job as a lecturer, according to designation, i was supposed to be a lecturer. well, no doubt it was fun despite minimum wage that I received. It was a small private (evil) education institution, of course it was fun, yet after few weeks working there-- my designation changed from being a (good) teacher, to something I hated the most. I was shifted to admin and marketing team (which I was alone with almost no supervision). I wouldnt mind doing the admin, but err, selling education is definitely not my thaing. It was painful experience to "sell"- more like cheating to the kids on the courses offered with ridiculous price. and thus I decided to resign. knowing my principle (eceh) was compromised and doing something that I hate is a big no no. 

 

oh ya, the college was divided into two different entities, I had to sell another courses to the professionals and my supervisor was a bit too annoying for me. insist me to call him dr. (eww) and always always annoyed with nonsense ethics of corporate. I know you have lots of experience, yet why are u there? working with minimum minimum wage?-- met my colleagues few days after he told my supervisor resign. aiyoo-- business tak jalan.

 

I found it weird when fresh grads are telling me its hard to penetrate the industry, well I get my 2nd job not even a week after I decided to resign. I was working directly under ministry *ehem ehem*, I knew from the beginning Im not gonna like working there, but I was desperate for money and working under gomen- they pay with decent wage so, I cant say no. and my designation was working for the community.. so why not?

yet-- it was nightmare for me.

I was helping the wrong people, better not to reveal everything here. Maybe next time.

to cut it short, I was mocking the big bawse on fb. and the next day-- i had to tender my resignation letter. not so much options left, soo.. 

surprisingly a week before that 'incident' happened, i was offered a job ( satu ribu ringgit Malaysia perbedaan ya) at one of the university in Malaysia.

and I accept it, oh ya didnt I mention somewhere im going back to school on sept?

 

 

 

wish me luck, im not gonna do it halfway for post graduate.

 

 

and I need new lap top, anyone wanna chip in some cash?

 

 

You Dont Know Me.

Perhaps life would be better if I didnt grow up. yet, no one could defy nature, hence growing up is a inevitable process reciprocate with the concept of time & space. yet, for me space does exist but time is not. and yet, the clock is still ticking.

Im working adult for now, still baffling whether i want to extend and develop my career or maybe leave it behind and do something else that is more fun. and working in the office with condescending supervisor is so fucking annoying. as if, everything that i've done is wrong. and you (with dr really) always seems to be the one that could never be bother to correct yourself. 

Thats the problem with adults, if you encouraged us to speak our mind, why bother to stop us? 

and yet, you blame Gen Xy for unable to keep at pace and time.

anyway, I hate the management team when they say we all agree to share "you".

what am I? a piece of cloth?

:)

My first ever spoken word piece

A few days ago a GLC company called me and offered me a job as secretary, so we had short 5 mnts conversation on what i studied for the past 3.5 years in Islamic university, towards the end of the conversation she told me, this job is caters for female , and you're male. So can u handle it?

I was holding my tongue & my fist because i want punch her in her face. Male are not just a walking penis with a pair of testicle & occasionally a sperm donor if u watched the foster

Male are human beings too

We let a system that so condescending to define who we are, what we are and where we should be

Just like the mak ciks in kenduri that will asked u, so you have a degree when are u getting married. And pak cik will ask u, what do u plan for ur future & none of these people would ask u, what do u happy doing

Its a same principle that happened in the world of sexism where a male was raped by four women in Uganda few years ago, and was never convicted

Because according to constitution rape means you put your dick in vagina

my best friend alana, drives whenever i and she wanna go, my brother in law is a chef at shang ri la, and my mom raised 4 kids (& im her fav) at the same time working & my dad occasionally had pms & meno-p syndrome.

Writing & thinking about gender is depressing

Just like how simone de bevouir writes about the 2nd sex, focoult writes about the the history of madness.

The intersection of feminism is not just about women, it hijacks the world of masculinity too.
Where the arab would tell grow some long ass beard to be islamist, if you cant grow beard the why dont u be a feminist, while the white feminist will tell you, you're too heteronormative to be a feminist, so stay wherever you are.
And the white male will tell you, you need to have 6 packs to be male,
while im 78kilos and growing and happy

Well my body is temple, i wouldnt let anyone touch, nor alter it, becauase i like it. So zip it!!

So the next time when you want to make another sexist remarks telling me that male are better to do this, and female are better doing this, like a male should play football & female should play doll,
why dont u ask yourself,
what gender is your soul?

Feb.

Its about time, few days more before March, so why not update my blog via pictures?

Ermm.. Thats all? 

attempt.

went to the holy university yesterday to collect recommendation letters from my fav teachers. well at least, they still remember. I wasnt sure to continue my studies and well, my plans dont really work as i've thought it would be. yaah... life after graduate is kinda suck!

it was 2 hours worth of advice and final lecture from my teacher, reminiscing some good moments when ive first entered. some of my words, well at least my teachers, well thought opinions that i articulate in the class. some even memorable when she still remember my essay on the intersection of geishas- misrepresentation of Orientalist Fascination. Alongside with it, few updates- and finally good luck & all the best wishes before i start  and embark my real life.

I wasnt really sure what ive learnt in the holy land for the past 3.5 years. I spent 1 year stay off campus, juggling with my assignment (and congested crazy traffic light commuting from subang to the holy land via public transport). nevertheless, these few teachers make my life easier, with advice and love.

my post grad studies will be dealing with Islamic worldviews and the nature of challenges between modern philosophies. i've always love philosophy and how it develops and how it corresponds with civilizations. i always been trying to discredit "Islam" in my argument, the word is just too sacred to be used by layman like me. maybe because the education that i've received was well-thought to be careful with the uncertainty.

well i hope i'd make the right choice.

may the Barakah be with me.

Pablo. 

the positive.

whenever someone told me about their future, I would probably stare enviously maybe nodding or maybe reacted nonchalantly because, I didnt even how to react. most probably, because im envy those people that have certain direction in their life. unlike me, still struggling to make sense of living. Anyway, ive been slacking too much with more excuses coming out from my mouth. Im scared, and im afraid i might going and drifted from what ive planned from since my first undergraduate year. I was hoping my life could be better when ive graduated and things dont moving that way.

I was hoping i could be brave enough to do what I want to do, yet there are series of consequences that im afraid, i might not be able to handle.

I wish life would come with manual, and im maneuvering it- on the right direction. 

I wish, I could. 

reminisce

I cant seems to run away from my past. its still linger how matter how many times I try to ignore nor runaway from it. i was reading my blog post since 2006. well at least, based on my past, I must i grew up a bit. maybe, I miss those times when i dont have anything to worry. Unlike now, i have little (soon to be many) worry, i have options, and more options, and Im not sure which options should i opt with. or rather, i wasnt really sure what should I do with my life.

you see, you dont have manual as an instruction what to do with your life. you live once, what dont make the best out of it? 

because, simply I dont know what I want to do. Im not sure whether this life would be the best life. or, this life would be worse life ever. I wish I could born and reborn. but, thats not the Tawhidic paradigm that ive learnt. I am in living in the real life?

did I choose this life?

I certainly didnt.

SURPRISE.

yes, life is full of surprises, except my graduation dinner that initially supposed to be surprised, yet somehow it didnt turn up to be surprised. (I accidently read the message from my friend's phone) lana should hire better actor, teheeee. Anyway, yes finally i have finally graduated from the Holy university, though i was really afraid of my tilawah exam. I couldnt answer any of the hukum tajwid, and i didnt even finish my tasmi'. Once, i TER-inter surah, nevertheless.. Alhamdulillah :), I've graduated with BANG! I'VE GOT DEAN'S LIST MEOW MEOW MEOW.

i wasnt expecting the dean's list, considering i wasnt really serious, but it was stress-free semester. 

AND, IVE GOT JOB AT THE MNC. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

 

and i on my way completing my post-grad application. Im hoping my lectures can write recommendation letter as soon as possible. :)

 

sekian, 

 

Last Semester.

My final semester was a bit dull, or better yet I might add less stressful compared to the previous semester, I almost kill a cat for fun (no I was really angry with myself, and other people that been really pain in the ass. And thank God, my it went well). Nonetheless, my final semester was more to.. enlightenment, in other words, more relax, less hassle and few interesting classes. (the farewell part is a bit sappy for me, but I didnt cry.-- ok I lie, I did cry on the last day of my class, especially bidding farewell to my favorite teacher that have been teaching me since my first year). 

http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/health/face-of-courage-1.381624->> read here.

you see, in the holy university and especially my department, there are inevitable boring lecture(s) (and sadly majority) of lectures are not even intellectually stimulating. unlike, my favorite teachers, they have been really really inspiring. sometimes, I was think it was a figment rather than actual reality. all the knowledge, and she imparted may be blessed to me. ehh..

and.. I was a bit (err really) lazy in my semester, finish up (and start writing) my assignment on submission day. (haha), and Thank God, I didnt screw up,. My CAM (continuous assessment mark is good) is good, except for my final exam, it was a bit staggering tho (and scary, cuz I didnt have enough time to write properly and my handwriting. I pray my teacher will have extra-terrestrial power to read my handwriting)

and.. suddenly, I've graduated.

I was so excited to graduate, been flaunting to everyone (including my teacher(s) and keep on reminding them hahah- (and hoping they will be extra lenient to me and they didnt. damn), yet on the final i was.. erghh. I wasnt feeling so good, in fact already missing the holy land.

I didnt bid goodbye to my friends-nemy. well, I thought i would reconcile our relationship, but neah.. in the end, we didnt even bother to look at each other.

btw, I've graduated, and my first interview will be on this coming friday (as booty call- my friend calls it)

p/s- I didnt apply for this job, i was applying for academic related industry & NGO, rather than this MNCs. somehow, it leads me there (amboi, mcm da dapat je)

and I have to cut my hair. Damn it!!

hello world!

I've decided to continue writing despite of my super lazy ass to write. Anyway, Im unofficially graduated from the Holy University & little did I know, life after school is err.. boring? in between fun. and disparity because I have no idea what to do in the future. I mean, ya.. i have plan(s), but everything seems to be a blurry for me. because apparently I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!

well, I have interview this coming Friday, surprisingly, I didnt apply for the job. kinda scared to be part of something that i never even bother to read on (Read- Banking Industry)

hmmm.. sounds err great right?

I've been wanting to advance my education to graduate school, almost done, yet, I wonder why Im so lazy to write/repair my personal statement. everything seems so fuzzy, on one side, I REALLY REALLY WANT TO CONTINUE MY STUDY and on the other side.. ermm.. (feeling meh!)

so.. ermm.. should I continue my study?